Meth Is No Laughing Matter ...

... but this video, starring Pushing Daisies star and Broadway veteran Kristin Chenoweth, is absolutely hysterical. 

See more Kristin Chenoweth videos at Funny or Die

While in Chicago ...

... I ran into an old friend. 

Stand Up (With Mary, Mariah and Melissa)

Some things can be helped with assistance from Wellbutrin. And sometimes all it takes is a diva duo (Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blige), some wannabes, like Fergie and Leona Lewis, and cancer-cured rockers like Melissa Etheridge and Sheryl Crow to lift us outta a dark hole. "Just Stand Up," which'll be performed during the "Stand Up to Cancer" TV special Sept. 5 on the three major networks, is a Hallmark card at its very best. And here, on the charity single that supports cancer-research-raising Stand Up to Cancer, there's enough inspiration – and talent – to make me wanna download the single, with proceeds going toward cancer research, when it hits iTunes on Sept. 2. How about you?

Dolly Parton = Big Blast

Dolly Parton sashayed onto DTE Energy Music Theatre’s stage squeezed into a blue-silver sequined gown – but she didn’t need it. She sparkled louder than any shiny dress, like this one, which made her busty chest look like two disco balls.

And on her winding-down “Backwoods Barbie” tour, which brought the peppy, pint-sized singer (and a club-capacity gay gaggle) to Clarkston yesterday, she brought her big voice. Her big laugh. Her big heels. Her big wigs. Her big hits. And, her big ...

Yes, there were many larger-than-her-cup-size moments for the queer-loving country crooner’s Michigan stop, and if you opted out of all the behemoth-ness, here’s what you missed:

Homo Frenzy

You can’t top Dolly when it comes to drag – but you can try. And some proved they will always love her by attempting to be her. Two wannabes were Dolly-ed up, and one, with the pink jacket and leopard get-up, looked remarkably like the Smoky Mountain songstress’ ensemble on the cover of her latest, “Backwoods Barbie.” At least the 62-year-old knows her fan base (who, by the way, was overwhelming women, and gay men who wouldn’t have screwed up one word had they been part of Dolly Parton night on last season’s “American Idol”). After wrapping “Jolene” she suggested changing the title to “Drag Queen,” and then she sang a few lines: “Drag queen, drag queen, drag queen, drag queeeeen.”

The Corny Factor

As cheesy as it was to see Dolly turn ‘80s staple “She Drives Me Crazy” into a twang-tossed number (and wrapping it with a hip-smackin’ throw-down), it was also non-debatably like listening to the Spice Girls: Not really rewarding, but always, for reasons we don’t wanna admit, an eleven on the one-to-10 Happy Scale. The only thing that could best that? Seeing her instrument assistant do the hoedown on “Thank God I’m a Country Girl,” where he two-stepped in suspenders, exposing his bare, chiseled chest. Ah, thank God I’m a (gay) country boy.

Decades-Spanning Classics

Whether performing new “Backwoods Barbie” songs, like the churchy showstopper “Jesus & Gravity” and sassy “Shinola,” or time-warping into her five-decade catalog for “I Will Always Love You” or set-launcher “Two Doors Down,” nothing was artificial about that voice – which at times could tug tears from even The Rock, sound like Little Girl Dolly (or like she sucked in too much helium) on “Puppy Love,” or just plain woo with an almost-acoustic “Little Sparrow” and an a cappela multiple-part harmony on “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?” Her flawless pipes weren't the only instrument she put to use; she played the acoustic and electric guitar, a rhinestone-encrusted autoharp, a bedazzled piano and a tin whistle and tambourine – like she didn’t have a 11-piece band behind her.

The (Self-Deprecating, Sex, Boob) Jokes

She’s recycled some of the same hokey jokes for years – “It cost me a lot of money to look this cheap,” but, like her, they never get old. Some of the biz’s best stage banter belongs to the quippy charmer, like when one fan shouted, “I love you, Dolly!” and she quickly zapped back with, “I love you, too! But I thought I told you to stay in the truck?” She also ripped on herself plenty of times, remarking that she wouldn’t run for president (because, “we’ve had enough boobs in the White House”) and asking the audience, when she returned for the show’s second set in a frayed lime-green gown: “Do I look like the Geico frog?” Even if she doesn't know her reptiles (it's a lizard, Dolly), she's like a puppy – impossible to resist.

Chris Azzopardi is the entertainment editor of Between The Lines. To reach him, send an e-mail to chris@pridesource.com.

A Good Day ...

... is one with free booze. Like today, when Skyy sent me their new all-natural grape-flavored Vodka (in a very-lumber-smelling wood case), one of several (the raspberry sounds delish) they're now selling. I'll let you know how it is. After work. 

Melissa Brings Down the 'House'

When Melissa Etheridge tells you that love can cure cancer, like she did during her “Revival Tour” yesterday at a packed Detroit Opera House, how can you argue with her? She’s lived it. And even if she’s wrong, music could very well do the job. It was, at least, strong enough – despite being marred by a muddy sound mix and an under-amplified Etheridge – to do so on Sunday, when the rocker stood front and center on a behemoth rug in a jogging outfit and shoulder-length hair among a mudslide of lesbians. And a few gay guys – who were likely as into Etheridge’s music as they were into her electric guitarist Philip Sayce’s quasi-queer look (do straight dudes really wear scarfs, and isn’t the whole hair-blowing fan a Mariah thing?), and irrefutable shredding skills, like on “An Unexpected Rain,” as he played his instrument much like a man who is nearing climax (which his face often mimicked). His hand was a yo-yo, sliding up and down with more energy than a can of Red Bull, and he wasn’t hesitant to break strings. 

But no matter how many times he briefly stole Etheridge’s thunder (and lightening) with his wicked solos, the night’s gusto was mostly the headliner’s, who ran through extended catalog staples, like the closing “Like the Way I Do,” the epic blues-infused “I’m the Only One” and crowd hand-clapper “Bring Me Some Water,” which made it clearer than Lasik-fixed eyes that these rowdy ladies needed some H2O to cool them off. 

For the complete review, pick up Between The Lines on Thursday, or visit www.pridesource.com