Hard at Work

I love puns (like the one above) almost as much as I love the press releases I receive with promo porn. So, I was let down (insert sad face) when "Unknown," the new Chi Chi LaRue flick, showed up on my desk today. Not that I wasn't excited (in many ways) that Blake Riley, who replays through my mind almost as much as Mariah's "Touch My Body," is starring in it, but – besides cringing at the grammatical PR oopsy in big, bold letters on top which called the movie "UNKOWN" – there was no graphic scene-by-scene synopsis. So, I dug up old press releases, just to remind me of what I was missing, and here's why this situation is so sad: 

"Officer Marino leads Jackson into the bedroom, pushes him onto the bed and forces him to suck on his massive cock. The muscular Marino repeatedly slaps Jackson's plump ass while gagging him with his juicy tool and night stick." 

Aww, like a bedtime story, ain't it? 

Who'll Say 'Bye Bye' After Mariah Night?

Up until Mariah Carey coached the seven remaining contestants on "American Idol," I was rah-rah-ing for three folks. First, balladeer David Archuleta – and absolutely not so I could hear him crowned "Idol" while crooning another cliched waterworks number. Second, nanny Brooke White – because the wannabe folkie made my eyes so misty during "Let It Be" that I could barely see her biting her lips while the judges praised her.  Third, mellow musician Jason Castro – so I would never have to stop starring at his smile. But then Mariah came, and all I could think about was: How the heck is rocker David Cook gonna perform a song from a five-octave pop princess? Well, he did – turning breezy mid-tempo "Always Be My Baby" into a haunting, stalker-ish rock ballad. He was easily the night's best, even though David Archuleta impressed with his pretty by-the-numbers take on MC-Whitney "When You Believe," Jason convincingly conquered the deep emotions of "I Don't Wanna Cry," and Syesha Mercado proved she might stand a change against Mimi in a singing showdown with the obscure "Vanishing." Who might we be saying, to quote the new single Mariah will perform on results night, 'bye bye' to? Carly Smithson's note-faltering, run-heavy "Without You" or, sad to say, Brooke's Sarah McLachlan take on "Hero" – which I actually dug, even if she rushed through the end – could land the former back to Ireland, and the latter back to babysitting. What'd you think? Did the idols make Mariah proud? Who'll be leaving? And, David, leather pants? Seriously?

Mariah's Sales: More than 'Emancipated'?

Mariah Carey gabbed about her tight and trim bod,  her ex-hubby and haters (like that rag-on-Mariah loser Perez Hilton) to Oprah today. And then, as she sang her eulogistic second single "Bye Bye," the camera showed a video monitor that flashed "E=MC²," the not-so-scientific name of her critically-acclaimed album due out tomorrow (read my review, along with one of Madonna's latest, in Between The Lines in a couple of weeks). So what, right? Well, not only was it one of many blatant "Oprah" plugs for her album – which is available tomorrow! On iTunes! And in stores everywhere! – but, when considering all Island Def Jam's done to promote the hell (and then some) out of the follow-up to 2005's best-seller "The Emancipation of Mimi," you have to wonder: Will the 'Mimi' sequel be the industry's silver lining to shitty sales? I'm betting, with spots on "Oprah" and "American Idol" this week, and the friggin' Empire State Building being lit up in purple, pink and white in honor of the disc, it'll sell 700,000 or so in its first week – enough to shut Perez up when Madonna's album drops two weeks later.

Jason Castro: I Now Officially Love You

This season of "American Idol" is proving to be a bitch. Not for the contestants who seem to be consistently good(ish), but for me, as I try to choose one – ugh, just one! – to become the next Kelly Clarkson (and, I hope, not the next Taylor Hicks). Could it be (super-duper) emotional folkie Brooke White? Or cutie balladeer David Archuleta? Or – now especially – how about Jason Castro, who's done pretty good until his wowing, falsetto-peppered number (like, I aw-ed myself to sleep ) last night with one of the gayest songs in music history, "Over the Rainbow." He's innocent (we think?), could light up a room with his smile, and, even with his inspirational-night song choice, probably isn't gay. Why? 'Cause this totally isn't how Judy did it. Watch, and give me hope that there's a quarter-ounce of queer in him.