Sniff This Out

Can't tell you how elated I was when Borders was having a 50-percent off sale on their calendars. You see, I already have plenty – one filled with only-undie-clad men, a simple to-do wall calendar, a mini At-A-Glance one, and (personal favorite!) an mmm-mmm-good Zac Efron as Link Larkin one (thanks, Jess!). But this semi-corny but totally hilarious doggie spoof (meet Schmitty!) on Hollywood – like "Paws" instead of "Jaws" and "Mary Poopins" – would've been worth the regular price. Yeah, yeah, I'm bias 'cause I have a cute-as-a-button Yorkie (pictured!), but February, known as "Housebroke Mountain," might just turn into March, and April, and May.

Sniff this one out at schmittysays.com, and then let me know which month makes you woof!

Naked Boys!

Soon, Kevin Stea's crotch could have its own end credit. Maybe demand more money. Heck, it might even go on strike.

"It could get its own head-shots," Stea quips from his Los Angeles digs, jokingly adding that fan sites are already popping up, likeTheAdventuresOfMyPenis.com. Today, he's dazed and crackly, he says, recouping from a DVD-release party for "Naked Boys Singing." He's not nude at the moment, by the way.

Is that detail really necessary? Why, yes. This is former Michigander Kevin Stea: a 37-year-old dancer who shook his nearly-bare tush in "Showgirls," recently stood in as a crotch-double in an upcoming Adam Sandler comedy and is promoting his latest ballsy stint in the off-Broadway film version of "Naked Boys Singing."

Yep, the one where penises do the teeter-totter like a bass tugging at a fishing pole. The one where Stea pretends - for about four minutes - that he actually adores cleaning. Naked.

"I absolutely, absolutely hate cleaning," he insists. "Luckily, my boyfriend is very anal retentive and obsessively clean, and he takes care of all that."

Stea's a bubbly, charismatic character, but in frenzied social atmospheres, he's the sorta guy who follows around the hors d'oeuvres server, he says. You wouldn't know that after seeing him playfully zip, bounce and jiggle around in nothing but long rubber gloves while singing lines like, "Nudity is fun to me, attention is like sex to me, cleaning is good therapy. So until my bills are paid, I really sorta love my job, I'm a naked maid."

To read more, visit www.pridesource.com

ALBUM PREVIEW Mary J.: Workin' It, Fo Sho!

Not so tickled by Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine," the first single to her latest Growing Pains? Neither was I – at first. It grew on me, I admit, but it's still a few shades lighter than the bright, self-esteem-boosting anthem "Work That." Unlike "Just Fine," which struggles to score a melody, the second single (and the one heard in the ubiquitous iTunes commercial) is a glowing, hard-hitting crunk catch. Mary's hella strong voice rides over an empowering Oprah-like mantra, urging listeners to "work whatcha got." The soft-rock sound on album-closer "Come to Me (Peace)" is refreshing, especially once Mary stomps all over the final third. "Fade Away" and "What Love Is" are a consecutive duo of catchy mellow jams, while "Roses" is a fierce half-spoken track, where she insists: "It ain't all roses/Flowers and posing/It ain't all candy/This love stuff is demanding." No, it's not all roses – and even though married Mary is happier than she's ever been, she's still sorting out shit. And on Growing Pains, the follow-up to Grammy-winner The Breakthrough, she makes that clear, and that translates to some soulful sonic sweetness. 

Mary J. Blige's "Growing Pains" is out Dec. 18. Was it another "Breakthrough"? Are Blige's "Growing Pains" painful enough to translate to crunk jams? Comment below.

For more, stay tuned to Between The Lines at www.pridesource.com

Alvin and the (Annoying) Chipmunks

Move over Hannah Montana. Three pint-sized singers are staging a world tour, bringing their adorable sing-and-shimmy schtick to those without hypersensitive ears. 

You’re one of those parents? Then live action-animated hybrid Alvin and the Chipmunks might be aw-worthy enough to scoot on by without you finding fault in the slapped-together story, some lame childish gags and failed attempts at being as hip as, say, Hannah Montana. But even that’s a big, fat question mark.

At least there’s a (predictable) moral, folks: What really matters isn’t umpteen YouTube hits and being branded as a stuffed animal, and living large sure can’t beat all-you-can-eat waffles from “dad” Dave Seville (a likable Jason Lee of My Name Is Earl). Question is: Will Dave take Alvin, Simon and Theodore (voiced by Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler and Jesse McCartney) back with open arms?

Though the helium-voiced troublemakers helped the struggling songwriter score his first hit in years, the classic “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late),” nearly flooding his kitchen and having a field day with his “winter” stash wasn’t so cool. 
Other silly shenanigans – messing up Dave’s biz presentation and crashing a date of his – just added to the mess, causing him to throw his furry “kids” out of the house, and into the arms of his money-hungry boss (David Cross).

To read more, visit www.metroparent.com