'Another Gay Movie' Sucks ... In a Bad Way

Like Clay Aiken, some people – and some things – don’t need to come outta the closet. “Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild” should’ve been locked in there. As someone who was so over the first film’s recipe – throw “American Pie” in blender, mix with fairy dust and wah-lah! – just a few minutes in, my expectations for the insanely disgusting, totally unfunny and always utterly disturbing flick were as high as that of a one-night-stand. Which the film has plenty of, by the way. In fact, that’s pretty much the plot, and I use that word loosely – as loose as the horned-up quartet in this movie.

Andy, Jarod, Griff and Nico (played by Jonah Blechman – the only unlucky actor from the original to reprise his role, and the transitions are handled well in an opening sequence) head to Fort Lauderdale, Fla. for spring break, entering the “Gays Gone Wild” contest – and whoever can get the most action comes (excuse the pun) in first place. RuPaul is the statuesque co-host Tyrelle Tyrelle, along with Sandi Cove (The Lady Bunny), and queer blogger Perez Hilton plays, and steals, every scene he’s in. Like Paris Hilton does in every film she’s been in (which are?).

As a religious zealot (converted while blowing a priest in the bathroom on “TransAmerica” airlines), Hilton pops up way too often, turning every scene into something more disastrous than Amy Winehouse. Worse, though, is the film’s awareness of the stereotypes it plays on and tries to elicit laughs from: Gays are slutty, and gays get STDs. Funny? Not so much.

Perhaps the most glaring – and head-shaking – moment comes when one of the guys (whose name I can’t recall since none of the characters, besides Nico, were more than hot, nice-assed, nice-chested, and without any other redeeming qualities) re-imagines his slutty ways as a “Dawn of the Dead” sequence: He’s being chased by a bunch of dead guys he’s slept with. First thought? AIDS – which, especially with the rising HIV infection rate in youth, isn’t funny. At all.

There’s also a nasty bit involving a dad telling his son to follow his heart, not his hole, and then, in front of his son, sticking a butt-plug up there. And the sex noises? They sound like the sound of a kid having fun on a Slip ’n Slide. Both might’ve been kinda funny on the page of Todd Stephens’ script (he also directs), but to see it on film, I couldn’t stop ew-ing. At the end, “Another Gay Sequel” alludes to a third in the series – something involving space (please let it get lost there!), and the film, which is as cohesive as a drunk driver, also tries substituting aw for ew. But with an hour-and-a-half of gags involving barf, ass toys and mistaking super glue for lube, I pulled out long before. D-